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July 30, 2012
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Sta.sh
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Comments: 12
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Views: 11,145 (1 today)
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:iconvytz:
I think that JJ is right what can be wrong with those suits

Idea given by :iconemeralddarkknight: say thanks to him


Edit: fixed mistakes in dialoges. Thanks to :iconcrosswire40: and :iconbarmoth: for helping me with it.
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:iconrenji12:
Nice looking suit, btw are u open for free request? I no money
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:iconvytz:
Sorry not right now
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:iconrenji12:
Oh it's ok
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:iconcrosswire40:
Top Left Panel:
"pokemon" should be capitalized in "pokemon suits?!!" Also "Are you insane!!!" should have at least one question mark to be a question.

"but" in "but they are so cool" should be capitalized and maybe have some elipsces at the end but that all depends on what context you wanted what she was saying in.

Top Right: You need to capitalize the i in JJ's speech bubble and "It's strange, but I didn't expect that they will look so shiny and smooth..." should have the will replaced with would.

Liz's i needs to be capitalized and "Why do i have bad feelings about it" should probably be "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

Bottom Left: JJ should be saying you "Your just paranoid!" not "You are paranoic" also her second bubble should read "What could be wrong with these suits?".

Bottom Right: Just capitalize the P in perhaps and that panel is fine.
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:iconbarmoth:
first panel "but they do look so cool" would sound better cause they don't look or stare on some one, they are just looking good and fun to wear.

"It's strange, but I haven't expected they would look so shiny and smooth".
" That " can be either dropped or left for sake of flavor. Referred action seems to happen at near past so for main sentence present perfect seems more appropriate. Also English can't bear past and future together. So if main sentence have been happened in the past and secondary one have happened in the future, then secondary sentence is spelled in future in the past time.

Third panel "What could be wrong with this suit" sounds better in my ear, dunno why.
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:iconcrosswire40:
Second Page Impressions: Damn! I can see your pulling out all the kicks with this one. Shiny latex pokesuits, nice choice! I have to thank this Ide when I get the chance :D

The females seem to be more smoother and more anatomically correct then your earlier ones. Adds to the sexiness when they're suiting up!

My only complaint is the spelling errors in the comic. I'm not trying to be a grammer nazi or anything, I'm just pointing out ways to improve on your already kickass work!
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:iconvytz:
Spelling is not my good side. some peoples help me few times with it. but number of the mistakes are same.
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:iconcrosswire40:
It's fine. I'm not trying to insult you or anything, just trying to point out ways to improve. :D
Your art is getting really good!
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